I accidentally cut my finger today with a knife and I realized something through those five minutes of pain.
It made me forget about you.
It made me forget about everything around me.
I was too focused on the pain to think of anything else.
And after it was gone and you jumped back into my head and reality was once again vivid, I missed it.
I missed the pain.
In the same way I miss you.
And now I understand why it is people self harm.
It makes them forget. It fades away the memories.
It brings relief. It makes my veins sigh in contentment because they’re being set free.
It’s a distraction.
And maybe that’s why I started.
Because it made me forget about you.
It brought my relief, made my veins sigh.
It distracted me.
All I ever wanted was to be happy - and this is it.
Forgetting you makes me happy.